


Making Waves

by acrxphxbia



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Day At The Beach, F/M, THIS IS A GIANT SHITPOST, shitpost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 01:29:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17992253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrxphxbia/pseuds/acrxphxbia
Summary: Tiddies: WetShark: PunchedHorse: RiddenProfit.





	Making Waves

**Author's Note:**

> This is a giant shitpost. Please don't take any of this seriously. It's a birthday gift for a friend who appreciates this kind of dumb shit.

The sun was shining on the beaches of Gibraltar. A flock of seagulls landed on the sandy coast to peck at a stray piece of food. One of the younger birds wandered off in search of more scraps. It came upon the frayed edges of a red and golden serape. Pausing for a moment, it began to peck at the loose threads, thinking it was a delicious french fry. The bird suddenly squaked as it was rudely shooed away with a straw hat. 

“Get yer nosey butt outta here, ya varmint!” McCree kicked at the seagull. “Shoo!” 

Jesse McCree was a wanted man who should be hiding away, taking up a bounty or running from the fuzz. Instead, he found himself dressed in his beach best on a sweltering summer day in July. He managed to find a secluded part of the beach away from any tourists that wouldn’t recognize him from his wanted posters. 

The seagull screeched at him one last time before waddling over to the rest of the flock. McCree swatted at it again. The last thing he wanted was for something to ruin his peace and quiet. 

McCree went to take another sip of whiskey from his coconut when he was distracted by a strange noise coming from the roaring ocean before him.

_Schlap. Schlap. Schlap._

A woman rose from the ocean like Botticelli's Venus. McCree was in awe of the woman’s beauty. The water dripped down her perfectly shaped body, the droplets running down the green swim suit that hugged her large breasts, thick thighs, and toned stomach. Her eyes, even if they were hidden behind some clunky goggles, were like an ocean. Her breasts were also an ocean. 

The woman continued to walk onto the shore. The noise from her wet flippers against the sand got louder and louder as she approached him. At first, her gait was slow and calculated, almost as if she were a model on a catwalk. She took a couple of steps before she began to wobble. Every time she took a step, she seemed to get stuck in the sand. McCree’s eyes trailed down to her flippers where he noticed that they were no ordinary flippers. No, this stranger was wearing _high heeled_ flippers. 

McCree was about to offer her some help like the gentle cowboy he was, but before he could get a word in the woman suddenly gasped, stumbling and falling forward where she landed right into his strong arms. She looked up, pulling off her goggles to reveal gorgeous eyes the color of rich chocolate. McCree felt his heart skip a beat as the woman stared deep into his eyes as she studied his face. She glanced over to the hand that still held his coconut full of whiskey and giggled. Her laugh was like little bells. 

“Hola, coconut boy,” she finally said in a sultry voice. “You here by yourself?”

McCree eyed her with some suspicion before deciding that she meant no harm. “Yeah.” He took a sip of whiskey. “I’m not one for crowds.”

The woman rolled off and laid on the serape that made for a makeshift beach towel. “So would you mind if I kept you company?” she asked. “Two is hardly a crowd.” She stretched like a cat waking up from a nap, making herself comfortable. 

So they sat there in silence. McCree stared off into the horizon while the gorgeous woman beside him sunbathed. Every now and then, one would steal a glance, taking in the other’s form. McCree couldn’t help but wonder where this gorgeous woman came from. He almost regretted coming to the beach in nothing but a cow print shirt, a novelty speedo with a cow emoji right on his packer and what he remembered his commander calling “atrocious cowboy chanclas.”

The woman didn’t seem to mind though. Besides, at least he wasn’t wearing flippers with heels on them. 

“Hey, coconut boy,” said the woman. “What’s your name? Or else I’m just gonna keep calling you coconut boy.” 

The cowboy mulled it over. He could easily give her a fake name, but after a bit of thought and another sip of whiskey he said, “Name’s McCree.”

She nodded. “Sombra.”

McCree tipped his hat. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Sombra.”

More quiet moments passed. The occasional sea crab would walk by but other than that it was just the two of them relaxing. Almost an hour passed. McCree could feel himself nodding off from the white noise of the waves and the warmth of the sun. He heard Sombra shift. She slowly rose from her spot and took a deep breath. She turned to the cowboy with a mischievous smile on her face. 

“Wanna go for a swim?” she asked.

McCree shook his head. “I ain’t much for swimming.”

Sombra rolled her eyes, heaving out an exasperated sigh. “Come on, McCree. Have some fun~” She wiggled her eyebrows. 

There was a pause. “Ugh, fine,” he groaned. He got up and the two made their way to the waiting ocean waves. McCree shivered at the severe temperature difference while Sombra was reveling in the cool waters. She whooped as a small wave crashed against her waist. 

McCree stayed a few feet behind her, busying himself with making sure he didn’t step on a carefully hidden sea urchin. He sputtered as salty sea water was splashed onto his face. Sombra was laughing while she continued to splash water at him. “Get your head out of the clouds, cowboy!” 

He shook the water off like a dog and playfully chased after a fleeing Sombra. She didn’t get far before he grabbed her arms and held her body against him. 

She resisted his grasp, giggling the entire time Jesse was chastising her. Eventually they calmed down. Neither cared that they were still holding each other with the only the seagulls and the ocean as witnesses.

“So, McCree.” Sombra’s finger traced random shapes onto his chest. “You said didn’t like crowds. Doesn’t that get lonely sometimes?”

His hand gently grasped hers. McCree was reveling in how soft her hand was against his calloused, trigger happy fingers. “Well, let’s just say I ain’t doing it by choice, darlin’,” said McCree, avoiding her gaze. 

She pressed herself closer to him. “But why?” she demanded. 

McCree sighed. “I’m a dangerous man,” he answered.

Sombra leaned in closer. McCree could feel her breath against his lips. “Maybe I enjoy a little danger.” 

Both felt their hearts beating faster. Sombra had a nice blush grace her cheeks while McCree felt his ears get hot. As if pulled by gravity, they leaned into each other, closing their eyes. Sombra shuddered as she felt McCree wrap his arms around her waist and pull her closer. Their lips were just about to touch --

Suddenly, a giant great white shark burst out from the ocean. Its jaws thirsting for blood. Sombra let out a loud cry. Her life flashed before her eyes. She lamented that her romance with the cowboy would never be consummated. She braced herself for their imminent demise, burying her face into the cowboy’s chest. 

But the gaping maw of the great beast never came. 

She looked up to see McCree had used his mechanical arm to punch the creature square in the face, his other arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder. Several of the shark’s teeth flew out and dropped into the water. 

It was like time slowed down. Sombra could only stare in awe as the sun shone against McCree’s shiny, wet body. Water droplets ran down his beefy pecs and arms. He looked like a fine bronze statue. 

The creature swam away, leaving a thin trail of blood in the water. Sombra felt her knees buckle, the adrenaline having runs its course. McCree caught her. “You okay there, sweetheart?” he asked. 

Sombra didn’t say anything. She could only nod her head. Her heart was still pounding. This so-called dangerous man just saved her life without even breaking a sweat. How could she ever repay him?

The two rushed out of the water, not knowing if the shark was going to back for a second round. 

McCree quickly walked over to his belongings, packed them into a bag. He whistled and almost instantly Sombra heard the whinny of a horse. She gasped as a beautiful, cream colored horse trotted onto the beach. He gave the horse a loving pat on its flank. “This lovely mare here is Horsechata,” said Jesse. He extended a hand to Sombra. “Care to accompany me somewhere we won’t be disturbed?”

“I would love to, McCree” she answered. Sombra accepted the hand and Jesse helped her up onto Horsechata. She pet the horse’s soft mane before Jesse slotted his body in front of hers. 

“Call me Jesse,” he said, turning to steal a quick kiss from her lips. “Hold on tight, señorita!” 

With that, Sombra wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her chest against his back. She placed her face on his moist back, inhaling his musk. It smelled of the ocean, cigarillos, and salted beef.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic for some god awful reason also has companion art! 
> 
> [Sombra](https://twitter.com/hadronhaze/status/1102398919630151682) by hadronhaze  
> [McCree](https://twitter.com/RK_Zet/status/1102398917101211648) by Zet-Sifo


End file.
